The hardest month yet

Well this has definitely been the hardest month yet in regards to not being pregnant. You see I was late this month. Not just a couple days late...really late. So there was hope. More hope than any other month to date. I like to post on here when I actually start my period each month that way I can go back and check the dates. Kinda like an online calendar of sorts. (I'm not the greatest at keeping track on an actual calendar!) So when I got on here and realized that I hadn't had my period since rite around October 19th I got pretty excited. I don't have the normal 28 day cycle so I knew I wasn't THAT late. I have rite around a 40 day cycle and should have started around November 27th. So yippee I was a week late! I went to the drug store and bought a test (much against my better judgment). Once I got the little thing home I was very anxious to take it. I just kept praying and praying two lines would appear. Did they? Nope. However, I didn't let that get me down. I had already looked online to see how far along I would be if I actually were pregnant and it said 4 weeks, which might not show a positive result yet. Am I grasping for straws? Probably. Well actually I was because much to my disappointment my not so great friend showed her face the following evening. After a week of hopes and dreams it was all crushed into fifty million pieces by one trip to the bathroom. Fair? Not really, but oh well. We have to just keep pushing forward and keep on praying! I HAVE to remain positive right now because life sure is taking lots of not so great turns. I have been hesitant to post on here until I had a little bit to come to terms with things. I mean after all we all have our health and that you can't put money on. So I kinda feel guilty for even griping because I know there are so many people out there right now that are dealing with so much more. So much that I couldn't even begin to imagine their pain and sorrow. However, this is my place to vent. The one place I have that I can speak my mind and hope not to be judged. So here we go! The last month has sucked to put it plain and simple. We have NO money. None zippo nadda. Where is that nice nest egg savings? Hmmm...well it got spent on three trips to Florida last year and the burial of my mom. So it's gone and hasn't been replenished. This month my husband lost his job and we are patiently waiting on unemployment to kick in. Then my car broke down and we have no idea how much it's going to cost to fix it. We have one running car, but let me tell you it's old and I'm scared that any day now it's going to kick the bucket. Bad timing? Kinda!! I'm worried that I won't have enough money to get my son Christmas presents, although I'm pretty sure it will be covered by my Christmas bonus. Oh wow let's hope I get that!!! So there is no wonder I was late now that I think about it. Stress tends to do those things. I am so grateful though that we are all healthy and I thank God EVERY SINGLE DAY for the time he is giving me with Alex. I know things will get better. It's just rite now it's kinda hard to actually see it.