Bitter Sweet

Well in two weeks i'm off to Florida to see my mom and stepdad. I'm both excited and extremely sad. I can't wait to see my mom, David go to the beach etc. I have not seen my mom in three years! It's a long over due trip. On the other hand i'm extremely sad to go because I know in my heart it will be the last time I ever see David. It is so weird to know that i'm saying goodbye to someone that I love. I don't have a very close relationship with him, but I love him because he has taken care of my mom all of these years. Anyone that can take care of her and deal with her issues gets a gold medal in my book. Don't get me wrong I love my mom but she does have issues. We have never really been extremely close. I came to live with my dad and stepmom (whom I claim as my mom but to not confuse people I will refer to her as stepmom) when I was eleven years old. I saw my mom once when I was 14 and then not again until I was 18. So it's not abnormal that we have not got to see each other in three ears. She did not see me ever run track, graduate high school, get married or give birth to my son. I will do whatever is needed to take care of her, but it is difficult. I sometimes find myself thinking why am I expected to take care of her now when she did not take care of me as a child? Is it automatically expected of someone to take care of your parent just because they are your parent?? If I don't take care of her I know I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. So with all of that being said, I'm off to Florida in two weeks!! I can't wait to set sail and sink my feet in the sand and have the salt water rush over my head. I can't wait to spend time with my son as we travel to places he does not remember going before. Most of all I can't wait to see David and say "goodbye" or I guess "see you later."

Woodward Park 2007

Here are a few pictures I found from last summer. We went to Woodward Park here in Tulsa. It is so beautiful this time of year.

All grown up!

My mom's dress shop is closing down so we have been cleaning and packing boxes. While packing last weekend we came across an old floppy disc that had Alex written on it. We assumed it was picture(s)but were not for sure. We don't own a computer anymore that even has an A drive but luckily my computer at work does. I couldn't wait to see what was on the disc! So here is what I found....



Alex was two years old in this picture. I just love this picture of him. He was actually caught messing with something he wasn't suppose to and has the look of "what? i'm not doing anything!?"



I wanted to post this picture as well to show how much he has grown up and changed. This picture was taken last summer at Woodward Park. He had just turned six! I think he's pretending to ride a horse?

Loss For Words

As I sit here writing this I'm at a total loss for words. I just found out my stepfather has been diagnosed with lung cancer. The doctors have given him two months or so to live. He is so optimistic and told me "what do doctors know anyway?" He lives in Florida with my mom. He has taken care of my mom for so long through good and bad times. I am beyond saddened by this news. I just don't understand why so many people I know are getting cancer!? I am trying to keep my faith but I have to be honest it is very hard. Please say a prayer for David. I am hoping that the doctors really don't know what they are talking about!

What a mess!!

Okay so this afternoon I got really bored and decided I wanted to change around my blog. I was getting so tired of the plain background so I decided to search around for free templates. I have NO idea how to create stuff on my own with HTML and all of that crap. There seemed to be a million websites that had free templates.....which one to pick was the next dilemma. So I finally found this pretty little page that had a butterfly on it. What I didn't know was that when I changed the template it erased all those little things called widgets. So now i'm having to redo everything...I feel kinda silly! Oh well live and learn right?!

"I'm a little tea cup"

I just received this email from a friend of mine. I thought it was very fitting considering everything that has happened lately.

I'm A Little Tea Cup....

There was a couple who took a trip to England to shop in a beautiful antique store to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked 'May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful.'As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, 'You don't understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Don't do that .''I don't like it!' 'Let me alone,' but he only smiled, and gently said; 'Not yet!'Then WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!', I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.'He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. 'Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'.When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on he shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! 'Ah, this is much better,' I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please, Stop it, Stop, I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering 'What's he going to do to me next?'An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!!!Quietly he spoke: 'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt a nd it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'The moral of this story is this: God knows what He's doing for each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kind that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to 'stink', try this.Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter.

Roll with the punches

Life has given us a few punches here lately. I posted last week regarding our dear family friend who passed away. Two days after he died we found out that another family member had decided to end his life. Evidently he had been extremely depressed because he was getting older. He was in his 70's but he was a very active person. I don't really understand how someone could take their own life. I guess everyone has their own reasons, but to me it seems so selfish. It's the easy way out. Maybe it can't be avoided when someone becomes that depressed. I just don't now what the answer are. Now my dad is in the hospital with pneumonia and numerous other ailments. Hopefully they will figure out what is wrong with him!! All I can do right now is just pray that he gets better and pray that nothing else happens. I am so thankful for my son's health and I thank God everyday for giving him this health. On a lighter note my best friend had her little baby girl on June 10th! I am just so excited and can't wait to see her!! She just happened to be born on the very same day that our family friend passed. It is so strange to me when that happens. Hopefully there will only be good news to post in the upcoming days and weeks!

Sad News

A few days ago I posted a prayer request for a family friend of ours who had cancer. I'm sad to say he passed away this morning. It's unbelievable how fast the cancer took over his body. I am so sad that he died, but I'm also glad that he isn't suffering anymore. I have so many fond childhood memories of him and his family. We would always go to the lake camping every summer. He left behind his wife, five children and several grandchildren. My dad has been friends with him for as long as I can remember so I'm sure, even though he won't show it, he is just heartbroken. Of course the thought has crossed my mind that that could just as easily be my dad. I know God has a plan for us all and I guess it was just his time to go. God was ready for him to come home. I can't say that I'm not a little selfish though and wish God would have made an exception to his plan and let him stay a little longer with us!!

Prayer Request

A family friend of ours has been diagnosed with cancer. Just a couple of months ago he went to the doctor because he was having severe pain in his back. They found a large mass that is malignant. They were able to remove most of it but in just a few weeks the cancer had spread throughout his entire body. He is now in the hospital and has been told he has about a week to live. I really do believe in miracles, but sometimes it is so hard to not become negative. I went to the hospital last night to see him and it was just heartbreaking. Someone who was so full of life is now so sick and really doesn't even look like himself. His children, who are all close to my age, were up there pretty much saying their goodbyes. I just kept thinking this could be my dad lying here. I am so grateful that I was able to go see him hopefully not for the last time. Please say a prayer for him and his family. I am hoping that I will be able to write a post telling about his miracle!!!