Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I feel lost

I have been up half the night trying to decide whether or not to share this with everyone.  Not that I have a huge reader base but still this is kinda private.  However, I always feel better when I write down what i'm thinking and feeling.  I could also use a few prayers!  My husband and I are having some major problems and to be honest with you I have NO idea what to do.  I'm feel so lost and sad.  I love him with all of my heart and soul.  He is my soulmate if you believe in that sort of stuff.  I have known that things have been off for quite some time. I just didn't know what exactly was wrong.  I could just FEEL that something was going terribly wrong yet no matter how hard I tried to wrap my arms around the problem I just kept slipping.  We were holding hands at one point on this journey and now I feel like he has let my hand go and i'm lost like a little kid in a huge amusement park.  What do I do? We have been married almost two years and together for almost five.  We have been friends for eight years and to be honest I can't imagine my life without him.  Yet I feel like he is already gone.  I won't go into graffic details yet as to what has been discussed or said but let me tell you it's NOT good.  It also has NOTHING to do with the way I feel but how he feels. Not good I tell ya.  I know marriage is hard and you have to fight.  I also know that at any given point one of you can fall "out of love".  I have always told Steven that we can't both fall out of love at the SAME time.  Don't you think that is just a recipe for disaster? 
I am praying that we can soldier through this rough patch and come out a stronger and healthier couple.  At the moment though i'm just so uncertain and feel very lost.
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